THE CELEBRITIES OF WAR (5-2003)

War often elevates some of its players to celebrity, even hero, 
status. Gen. Grant in the Civil War, Gen. Patton in World War II, 
and Gen. Schwarzkopf in our first Gulf War are examples of men who 
became stars of their respective wars.

Not to take anything away from Gen. Tommy Franks, who did such a 
masterful job of choreographing the war with Iraq, but his wartime 
stardom seems to have faded in the brighter light of this war’s 
true celebrity - Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf, the Iraqi Minister of 
Information.

This is the guy who had the audacity and gall to show up on Iraqi 
television almost every day following the U.S. attack to convince 
his countrymen that everything was alright and that the enemy, us, 
would surely be defeated and driven out.

In fairness, that’s what Saddam Hussein and every member of his 
government were saying publicly before the attack and immediately 
afterward. But as U.S. and British forces crept closer and closer 
to Baghdad, taking over one city after another, al-Sahaf kept up 
his rhetoric. As U.S. soldiers moved in and captured Baghdad 
Airport, al-Sahaf said there were no U.S. forces anywhere in 
Baghdad. 

His overly optimistic appraisal of his country’s situation became 
more and more blatant as the war went on. "There are no American 
infidels in Baghdad - never!" he proclaimed. "They're coming to 
surrender or be burned in their tanks," he continued as U.S. tanks 
rolled almost casually through the city.

His daily briefings started to capture a world audience, as people 
tuned in just to hear what kind of propaganda he would spout next. 
To hear him tell it, the Iraqi army was within days of total 
victory.

His last televised broadcast, during which he continued to deny 
that U.S. victory was at hand, occurred only hours before the 
devastating blast that destroyed the building believed to contain 
Saddam and his clan on April 7. He hasn’t been heard from since, 
at least not publicly.

But his brashness and bravado have earned him a cult following. He 
has attained a celebrity-like status around the world. There is 
even a Web site devoted exclusively to al-Sahaf and his 
unbelievably out-of-touch-with-reality remarks. The site is 
WeLoveTheIraqiInformationMinister.com, and it became so wildly 
popular its first week in existence, garnering more than 4000 hits 
per second, that the site crashed. It had to be moved to a bigger 
server.

A couple of other clueless remarks attributed to al-Sahaf by the 
Web site include, "I can assure you that those villains will 
recognize, will discover in appropriate time in the future, how 
stupid they are and how they are pretending things which have 
never taken place," and "We have them surrounded in their tanks."

Even President Bush became an admirer of sorts. "He's my man,” 
said Bush. “He was great ... a classic."

So popular is this guy, that he has already been offered a job as 
a news correspondent for an Arab satellite TV station. There is no 
word yet as to whether he plans to accept the position. One report 
said he was holed up in Baghdad at his aunt’s house.  Word had it 
that he tried to surrender, but was turned down by the military 
because he was not on the U.S.’s “Top 55 Most Wanted Iraqis” list. 

Although I’m sure al-Sahaf’s credentials are good enough for him 
to be considered for the position of news correspondent, I 
personally believe he would make a much better game show host. He 
has the looks, the popularity, and the audacity it takes. He could 
easily be the next Regis. 

Perhaps he could host a revamped, “To Tell the Truth.”